Rules for Fighting Akatsuki Members
by Quorinne
Summary: The following are rules and regulations regarding what you may not say while fighting members of the Organization Akatsuki. As instated by Godaime Hokage Senju Tsunade. Any one caught breaking these rules will sentenced to 100 hours joining Gai's 'springtime of youth' training marathon; to be served consecutively. Rated M for Language and innuendos. I do not own Naruto.


Rules and regulations for fighting members of the Organization Akatsuki. As instated by Godaime Hokage Senju Tsunade.

What the hell are you idiots thinking? Under no circumstance is it considered acceptable behavior to make sexual innuendos towards members of a nuke-nin organization dedicating themselves towards world domination. Thanks to you the hidden leaf is now the laughingstock of the five great villages. The Raikage sent a missive asking if we need to borrow copies of their academy students 'safe sex while undercover and under the covers'. I highly doubt he was being sincere! Effective immediately the hidden leaf has now passed a series of regulations in order to curb further behavior. Any comments or disagreement may be posted on the available space beneath each rule.

Rules for engaging enemy Ninja's

**Do NOT ask if they have Claspers! If it 'accidently' slips out then for the love of the first don't ask them to prove it!**

**Sakura:** I believed it to be necessary in order to determine how closely related to a shark he was on a genetic level. By better understanding our opponents we stand a better chance of defeating them in combat.

**Ino:** Does he?

**Sakura:** Not sure, he just sort of stared for a bit before Naruto told him to prove it

**Naruto:** I still say it was a perfectly reasonable distraction tactic. Sakura-Chan is a genius!

**Sai:** Clasper-san seemed annoyed when we questioned him further on this. Though I agree with Naruto there was a noticeable pause in his fighting after Ugly asked him the question. Unfortunately both Hatake-san and Yamato-san also paused and as such did not take the opportunity to incapacitate the man.

**Kakashi: **I was attempting to dispel a genjutsu. Normally Naruto would be the one to ask questions like that, I never expected it from Sakura.

**Sakura:** Sensei Naruto doesn't even know what claspers are.

**Naruto:** Do too! They're like fins or something right?

**In the future if you come across an enemy with mouths on his hands under no circumstances are you to ask him what **_**other**_** kinds of fun explosions he can cause with them.**

**Ino:** Enquiring minds wanted to know. I regret nothing.

**Inochi:** You're grounded until your thirty.

**It's inadvisable to ask a man who slaughtered his entire clan at the age of thirteen if his ultimate genjutsu technique could be use for 72 hours of a different sort of torture.**

**Anko:** It's not like I asked for a demonstration. I wanted to know if Kurenai-chan could do something similar!

**Asuma:** Can she?

**Kurenai:** Would you like to find out?

**Stop asking Kakuzu if he's into bondage. Quit offering to pay him if he isn't.**

**Homura:** Isn't he a bit young for you anyways?

**Koharu:** For you information he was the ninja Taki sent to assassinate the first Hokage all those decades ago. If anything He's too old for me! And I wasn't the one who offered to pay him!

**Homura:** What can I say, I thought it might relax you a bit. You've been wound tighter than Ebisu recently.

**In the future if you're fighting someone who possesses the Mokuton do not ask if they 'grow when you water them'.**

**Ten Ten:** I didn't mean it like that! No one thought it meant anything like that until Neji started talking!

**Lee**: I have a most unyouthful confession to make my dear comrade! I too believed you meant it in a most distressing manner when you first said it.

**Gai:** Lee! You must have faith in your teammates! For doubting her judgment you must run 500 laps around the village before dark!

**Neji:** You thought the same sensei.

**Ino:** How did you mean it?

**Ten Ten:** .

**Anko**: What about Tenzo? He's not an enemy?

**Tsunade:** Just make sure foreign diplomats don't hear you and I could care less.

**When facing a Jashin Priest don't offer to torture them in 'all the right ways' if only they would sit there and take it.**

**Anko:** He was considering it! If his miser of a partner didn't show up when he did T&I would literally have his head on a silver platter. And this one would still be able to talk!

**Quit asking the leader of these mad men if he has any piercings under the belt.**

**Ino:** What the guy might be insane but those piercings totally work for him

**Sasori is dead. You cannot make him into a 'real boy' or a 'real man'. When he was still technically alive he didn't possess the proper equipment for that to be an option anyways.**

**Hanabi:** Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase morning wood

**Hinata:** Hinabi! Where did you learn that phrase!

**Hanabi:** Your teammate Kiba said it this morning. Why what does it mean?

**Neji:** You don't need to worry about that right now Hanabi. Hinata you're going to need a new teammate.

**Hinata:** Please show restraint niisan. Our team has a mission tomorrow and we would be greatly handicapped by the loss of Akamaru.

**Kurenai:** That may have been the meanest thing you've ever said.

**Until you can hold your own against two somewhat immortal s-class nuke-nins you shouldn't ask them if they're in any sort of S&M relationship.**

**Sai:** The damage done was minimal as my teammates were with me at the time. I have found useful information regarding human relationships through that observation. Did you know that heterosexual adult males may take offense if you insinuate that they are having sexual relations?

**Naruto:** Yeah most of them do. Next time try asking who tops; that's always good for a laugh as long as you can dodge.

**Sakura:** Damn it Naruto stop encouraging him!

**Orochimaru may no longer be an Akatsuki member but that doesn't mean these rules don't apply to him. Asking him whether or not he's playing 'hide the snake' with Uchiha Sasuke is in bad taste. We don't for certain if he's actually a pedophile or just deliberately misleading everyone but it isn't something to joke about.**

**Kiba:** Yeah well you won't see me feeling sorry for that guy. Some of us nearly died trying to bring his ass back!

**Hinata:** While the Hyuuga clan is very displeased with the condition Neji-niisan was found in, the rest of team 7 finds this possibility distressful. For their sake we should leave the subject alone.

**Kiba:** Hinata! You're not stuttering!

**Shino:** Of course not. Why? Because she isn't speaking, she's writing. Stuttering on this form would be a waste of time.

These rules may be expanded on any time I feel it's necessary. Make sure to check for updates before you leave the village.

Senju Tsunade

Godaime Hokage.


End file.
